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Zarel Emails/3
Zarel E-Mail #3 Zarel is asked what he would do with one billion dollars. Cast (in order of appearance): Zarel, Homestar, Bubs, Coach Z Places: Zarel's House, The Stick, Bubs' Concession Stand, The Field Transcript {Cut to Zarel's Room} ZAREL: Tonight on Zarel E-Mail, we talk to the one...the only...er...whoever sent this email. Subject: Money Dear Zarel, If you had a billion dollars, what would you buy first? Not Your Friend, Raiku Samiyaza {Zarel says "Well that's not very nice..." after reading "Not Your Friend"} ZAREL: {typing} Samiyaza...that sounds like some kind of Japanese dish...aw crap...now I'm hungry! But anyway- {clears screen} A billion mig ones, eh? Er...A million big ones...a billion dollars. What would I do with a billion dollars? What would I, Zarel Mikhail Lewis III do with one billion- HOMESTAR: Hey, Zarel, Hey, Zarel, Hey, Zarel! ZAREL: I really need to start locking my door... HOMESTAR: Hmph! Fine! We'll take out outside! {Cut to The Stick} HOMESTAR: So as I was saying before... Hey, Zarel, Hey, Zarel, Hey, Zar- ZAREL: You...already said that. HOMESTAR: I know, I was just saying what I was saying before. ZAREL: Riiiight...so...Homestar, what would you do with a billion bucks? HOMESTAR: Well, I'd probably buy my own website and fill it with many different clips and shorts of me and my escapades with my friends. Maybe give Strong Bad a little show...maybe give you a little- ZAREL: Homestar...you already have a site. HOMESTAR: I know! It'd be called homestarrunner.ne-WHAAAAAAT? ZAREL: {sigh} Never mind. {Cut to Bubs' Concession Stand} BUBS: A billion dollars, eh? I'd say you could spend it all on plenty of fine goods from my concession stand, including- ZAREL: Bubs...with a billion dollars I could buy the concession stand and put you out of business. BUBS: {angry} So that's your evil scheme! I'm sorry, but I ain't selling! {Bubs slams the steel door down as if to close the store, closing it on Zarel's hand and detaching it.} ZAREL: Uh...Bubs? My hand? {wiggles handless arm} BUBS: {offscreen} 10 dollars! ZAREL: Crap... {Cut to the Field, Zarel's missing hand is replaced with a bucket. He sits on his bucket hand. Coach Z walks in} COACH Z: Hey there, Zorrel! What gotcha down? ZAREL: I don't know what I'd do with a billion dollars. COACH Z: Well the best way to find out is to start makin' it! Now put that bucket to use and drop me some beats! ZAREL: Uh...sure? {Zarel drums on the buckets to a rhythmic beat} COACH Z: {rapping} These peoples try to fade me! {Cut back to the Cappy} ZAREL: {typing slowly} Well, Sushiyama, I have no freakin' clue what I'd do. I guess, save...for an emergency or something. {stops} Well this sucks, I only have one actual Zarel hand now. NOTICE You have one new message. ZAREL: Huh. I wonder what this could be. Subject: Buckethands Dear Zarel, How do you type with a bucket for a hand? Sincerely, Homestar {Zarel lets out a huge groan, The Paper comes down} Easter Eggs *Click on "Samiyaza" after Zarel refers to it as a Japanese dish to see a picture of a plate of assorted sushi. *Click on "Buckethands" for a scene. Easter Egg Transcript {Cut to Bubs' Concession Stand} COACH Z: Say there, Bubs, whatcha got today? BUBS: A lucky dragon's paw! Only 10 bucks! {Holds up Zarel's disembodied hand} COACH Z: Holy gorsh! That's the best looking back scratcher I've seen! {Zarel in the distance lets out a huge groan} Fun Facts *Homestar talks about getting a website if he had a billion dollars, when he already has one already. *Zarel's bucket hand and the Coach Z rap are references to sbemail: new hands. I had planned on giving Zarel the new hands email instead of this. *Zarel's second email in this episode is a take on the "how do you type with boxing gloves" emails. *Bubs calls Zarel's hand a "lucky dragon's paw," which refers to monkey paws or rabbit's feet, which were believed to bring good luck. *This is the first instance of Zarel's take-apart ability in Zarel E-Mail. The first in his entire filmography was in his character video.